Imaginary Love 2 - Perspective

"A false sense of reality leads to delusions, a delusioned world leads to depression, depression leads to a failed individual, and you can figure out the rest"

Vincent Van gogh suffered for his sanity, and the irony of his life was his success was granted post-humously. Weeks back I was on the beach talking to a close friend, and he mentioned how people strangely refer to themselves dead as something more than just an empty shell. "I want to be buried, I want to be cremated"; as if they were somehow still around to do justice to their bodies. To be completely critical though, was the pronoun "I" even appropriate to be used here?

Van gogh and my friend pointed out two very basic things I've begun to realize about life itself; that death was inevitable, and no matter how important you were alive or dead; eventually time would erase even the tiniest trace of your existence.

 Talk about putting things into perspective.

Yet it's a huge failure on most people's part, it's something even I needed friends to constantly remind me:

 that I was going to die, it could be today, tommorow, or a distant future; but it was coming nevertheless.

Perspective

The reason I brought up such a dire topic, because it usually took something dire like this to help humans like us put things back into perspective. I understand that when I talked about expectations in my last post, many were under the impression that I was a super-being, above the normal human psyche; who has dominated the skill of keeping expectations at bay. I want to dispel all this right now.

I am only human, and everyday I work hard to keep a rational mind. It can become so easy to be swayed, I understand. Which is why I want to share something that I do very often when I know I'm being irrational : putting things into perspective. It's as simple as it sounds, but implementing it is a whole other issue.

I want to use an ideal example from a book I've read by Robert Ringer to illustrate; and it goes something like this:

Anything but my Mercedes!

I recall a Beverly Hills acquaintance many years ago lamenting about his financial problems, and my asking him why he didn't sell either his wife's or his Mercedes to ease his burden. Ouch! You would have thought I'd shot him through the heart: "Sell my Mercedes! Are you kidding? I couldn't do that!"

"Why not?" I naively asked.

"I couldn't sell my Mercedes. What would people in Beverly Hills think? I'd be ruined."

Obviously, at that particular time selling one of his Mercedes was not part of this individual's world of the possible. It was a thought that lay outside the perimeter of his mental paradigm, and thus was not an alternative that his unresourceful state of mind would consider. Note that I said "at that particular time." The resourcefulness of most people tends to change with changing circumstances. For example, what if this same individual were to suddenly find himself in a Nazi concentration camp and a guard said to him, "I'll tell you what. If you sell your two Mercedes, I'll get you out of here." Under those circumstances, his response might very well be, "Sell them? Are you kidding? You can have them!"

Enough to make my point clear? I hope so.

So you can see how clearly important perspective is. Why I brought up death right at the start? We hear it all the time, live life to the fullest; remember we'd be dead anytime. Life is random. Beautiful words, discovered probably by beautiful philosophers. Everybody knows these basic principles. The amount that actually apply them though? A pathetic scarce few.

The point is, putting life in perspective at all times is so vital to your making a decision that's best for you. And if you always wait until you're desperate before considering your life on a broader picture, that's probably how you'll live the remainder of your life- a desperate fool.

Which brings me back to love

Relationships are all about putting things into perspective. Too many of us are swayed by expectations, by the giddy delirium of the first courting (mind you, that's your natural desire to copulate and preserve the species), and by what others think of us. It's the reason why people stay in draining relationships. They're too comfortable in their zone to break out of a bad habit. And by failing to consider their life on a broader perspective, they don't take the actions necessary to build a positive relationship.

This theory could work both ways. Either the subject is staying in a relationship that continually drains him, or the subject is in a relationship in which he is continually draining it out of life.

(note that my use of him here is only for convenience sake)

For example, by failing to be perspective one could overlook the actual tolerances a partner makes for us. We're so demanding sometimes, we forget in the process that the other person is actually tolerating a large part of our behaviour as well. The common misconception? That we're the only ones tolerating the other. It's this ill habit that causes problems to no end- The incredible assumption that we're the only ones making the sacrifices. And if you allow yourself to continually dwell in this lie; you're gonna kick  your partner to the brink of cracking. Cracking then, is the master of arguments.

On another note, how about being the one that's drained? I've seen one too many couples who are together just for the sake of being together. They're unhappy most of the time (or at least, they allow themselves to be viewed as unhappy) and are ALWAYS complaining about their relationships. Don't you sometimes feel like giving them the good old tight slap? That is exactly what these individuals need though; a nice wake up call from reality. They spent 90% of their energy complaining and looking depressed when it could have been channelled to solving the root problem.

It's easier said than done of course. Who wouldn't want to just sit around and complain all day? It's much easier than actually having to deal with your problems. Need I remind you, that every success story is dogged by hard work and a strong mind to take control over your emotions. A person gunning at a six pack is NEVER (i repeat, NEVER) going to get it unless he somehow defeats his own mind. Too many distractions are present in life to sway us from that one goal : sweet desserts, sleeping in instead of working our asses off in the gym, "I'm too tired today, maybe tomorrow" excuses... the list goes on and on. The point is distractions are enticing and inevitable. Without a sound mind, one can never defeat the emotional urge to just do nothing.

And this habit is similarly applied to the habit of putting things into perspective. It's a lot of hard work. You have to give it your all and make no exceptions. That is the only fool proof way to being ready to deal with problems in your relationships.

To cap :

Expectations are bad -> Need perspective habit to reduce expectations -> Perspective habit nurtured by hard work and having a strong mind.

save your "but"s for someone else who cares. This habit makes no room for "buts". The currency it's only interested in is a "I can do it" mind.

...

Remember to always remind yourself that you're going to die. It's morbid, but it forces you to make the most out of life. For example I took such a long time to do this post, but I eventually did it. It's because I know I want to write about what I'm passionate about, and if I failed to do so because of laziness I'd be a HUGE ass hypocrite.

step up to the table. defeat yourself. and next I'll be doing a dissection on problems.