Competition

Now, I am far from reffering to sports or any sort of intellectual contest when I say competition. What I am gunning at is psychological warfare. A few days back I joined my folks back in Seremban and it was there I witnessed the first of the most ridiculous sort of competitions : the natural desire to outdo each other for no apparent reason.

It’s funny how horrendous we turn out when we’re competing. The face turns ugly, the claws become sharpened, the barriers are up and we’re suddenly all defensive. And the best part? We’re far from aware and it takes a very open mind and trusty children to remind just how competitive we’ve been.

So the question standing today! : is this healthy and if not, is it avoidable?

The Trigger

I’m no genius. When I write all my posts about things that caught my attention, you’d do well to bet there was some sort of trigger. As aforementioned, I was out with my folks when this trigger presented itself to me.

My aunt recently spent a fortune (a whopping RM 50K) on renovating her house. She has a long standing history of speaking much louder than necessary (louder even than moi), is very defensive when it comes to my mum (her sister), and is often critiqued, though not without any truth; on her taste when it comes to all things clothing, upkeeping house, and being creative in the general sense. She is extremely well known for her quotable quote “NGO MI CHI AH” translation : i don’t know! ; often backing it up “LEI MAN NGO NGO MAN PINK KO” translation : you ask me I ask who. My sibling and I have such fun times laughing at my aunt’s trademark statements, but to be on the receiving end is another story. My aunt, can be very irritating when you allow yourself to be irritated.

And to add insult to injury, my mother is an extremely boistreous sister (who is consequently, just as loud or maybe worse). I need you to understand that I am far from biased; my mother has few bad habits to kick herself- having the knack for spinning conflicts our of proportions, intimidating others, and making herself seem more smart and important than she really is. Naturally, the sisters get on well when their combined personas are directed at their husbands and insulting other relatives of the extended family. When directed at each other, not so healthy.

So after spending a small fortune on the crib, you’d expect my mum to be all showers of praises. You could smell the excitement on my aunt’s face : she was happy she’d probably finally impress her older sister. Knowing mum very very well, I’d even pre-warned her to take everything with a pinch of grace on this visit. But something about the house and my aunt’s face threw away all advice, all reservations, and all rationality- hell broke loose when the house came into view.

My honest opinion was the house was indeed very untastefully fashioned. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that they’d spent a fortune enlarging their space, getting new tiles etc., for my cousin’s wedding in December; you’d do well to keep your opinions to yourself. After all, what good can a few comments do now? Better to be the good guy and nod at everything renovated. It fosters better relationships. Mom thought otherwise.

As I sit here writing this, I can imagine the horrific excuses my aunt makes for every critique my mum came up with. Why are the tiles blue- they didn’t have any other cool colours, why didn’t you move the staircase back- it would cost another whopping rm5000, why in the world did you fashion another balcony when it could have been a new room- to play mahjong in comfort. The list is endless. I struggle to hide my smirk when I see frustration replacing excitement in my aunt’s demeanour. My mother was being an irritant. I threw curveballs to salvage the situation by complimenting the things my mum didn’t pick on my aunt. Unfortunately, they weren’t many. Mother was on a roll.

So yes, I witness the sisters playing a tennis of words. The voices were getting louder and the excuses more bizzare. I decided to leave them to their antics. Though I must add, MOM was winning. But not in a good way.

The Post-Mortem

Sometimes when I talk to people, I do it myself without realising; this whole competition attitude. It surfaces as naturally as breathing, occuring more often when we feel intimidated, have an innate need to impress, or to intimidate others. Such an ugly build-in behaviour don’t you think?

Ugly, but we’re all guilty of the same crime.

The point is, competition is sometimes healthy; but this kind of psychological warfare reaps no rewards. You have absolutely nothing to gain but all to lose. You make no difference to the situation (which has already passed), you teach the other party absolutely nothing except to avoid asking your opinion in the future, and you make yourself look bad. All stemming from a natural impulse to voice your opinion because you’re just so damn competitive.

Already I can hear catcalls claiming that voicing your opinion is not necessarily meant to be competitive all the time. Unless you’re the kind to voice opinions for fun, they’re usually meant to express something you feel strongly about in a topic. In short, when you voice your opinion about something someone else has done; you most definetely think your idea of the project is better, could have been done better by yourself or someone else. How is that any different from feeling slightly competitive?

In the general daily life, it’s sometimes wise to take everything with a pinch of salt. When you converse with people who are passionate about something, gauge the effects of your opinions even if they ask for it. Open-minded is an overratted virtue. Nobody is ever open minded enough to be openly critiqued. If you still feel strongly to sway the person towards your ideal; there are other methods. They’re called being politely convincing.

In conclusion

I could say a lot of things; but why, when it could be done in one sentence.

Just don’t talk like my mother and you should be fine. :D

No offence ma :) you can cook, but your people skills need the brushing.