Chaos

      Be irresponsible. Turn off your telephones, ignore the lingering stares, put on your poker face and rock it. Nothing feels as good as clearing your mind in the chaos. To live on the superficial high, though the fall is sure to be deep that follows; it is besides the point. The idea is to go beyond the limit and take the plunge way later on.

       I put on my headphones and blast the music so loud, I can hear only mindless  Gaga screaming Monster! inside my head. The theraphy worked. The infectious beats made it almost impossible to think. I sent ninety percent of my brain into sleep, the remaining went on overdrive. I couldn’t help it. I stood and jumped and screamed into the night. I breathed the words as if I’d written them myself. The music takes over. I am liberated.

I hear a leaky faucet somewhere in the back of my mind. My mind retracts from it. There were way too many taps in my life left open. I couldn’t close them all. And I wouldn’t. It seemed uncessary to care so much, when this much liberation came from singing along to songs that meant absolutely nothing: they were superficial, lyris about sex, monsters, and freedom. It was the antidote I craved. Not only did I not want to switch off the taps now, I wanted to let the room flood with it. Let it overpour, let the emotion consume whoever bothered to care. I didn’t. I had the music.

And then the music stops. The battery on my Ipod is out. The flood comes inevitably. I couldn’t close the taps in time. It all comes rushing down on me. The stress levels are peaking, and they’re overpouring.

I can’t shut them all out. Liberation do not desert me!

-the beautiful mind when it's prep-ing for an important examination