Why do you want to become a doctor?

The end of medical school approaches. And time, it moves so quickly I can almost taste the end.

A few days ago my colleagues and I were running a primary care clinic with a family medicine physician and she asked us :

Why do you want to become a doctor?

I was a little taken aback by her question. It had been a while since somebody asked me that. But what bothered me was I hadn't an instant answer. Instead I blanked out for a moment.

When it was my turn to answer, I just gave her an uninspired "it's out of interest, I guess"

If I saw my current state in my youth, I wouldn't know me.

Thats the crazy thing about medical school (clinical rotations in particular). As you gain more competence you feel a little of yourself slipping away. I had so much vigor. I had so much to say when somebody asked me that question when I was younger. Now, my everyday conversations are largely about patients and their problems, I even talk to my parents about my work because it's so "interesting"

But is it really?

When my mother made me clean out my closet over the weekend that I was back in KL, I found so many articles of clothing from a different phase in my life. It was very emotional for me to see the many things I used to spend time doing. Scouts, dancing, clubs, cheerleading, editing magazines.. the list goes on.

Now I have been reduced to 2 - 3 interests tops.

I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing. When you're young you're supposed to be trying out new things over and over again until you find that one thing you're passionate about. And as you grow older, you have less and less energy for the other things (apart from your primary focus of course)

I just wish I had retained a little more of myself, in this process of becoming a competent clinician. In short, I miss me.

#foodforthought.

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